My room smells like vodka and shame
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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