Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
