Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
