i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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