I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
