One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize