Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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