He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
