just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
birth control should be required to get into college
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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