it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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