I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
