I think my vagina is haunted
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
