Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
