I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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