I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
