I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
