Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
