I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
