I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
