im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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