Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
