I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
