Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
