I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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