I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can't motorboat a personality
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
