Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
