I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
