Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
