matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Couch. On fire.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
