My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
