Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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