I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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