Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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