i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
