Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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