No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My hand turned me down
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
