We're facebook friends in real life
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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