very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
