Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
