im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
