4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
