Umm I'm too high to move.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
