He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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