Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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