Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And then he peed in my hair
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