I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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