I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
