her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
