dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Cover your peen. We're going out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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