You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
