What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
