i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
where am i from again
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
