Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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