In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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