So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
