Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
