Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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