no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize