I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
