don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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