Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
