Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
