Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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