Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Randomize
