So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
