i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
