That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
