My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
