I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
