she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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