worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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