Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
