I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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